“This time next year – we’ll be millionaires”

My blog on my Mental Health – from ‘Ach I’m fine’ to acceptance, prevention to possibilities.

Blog 5

Everyone has that one TV show that they put on and it suits any of their moods. Bored. “Ach, stick on...” Happy. “Let’s stick on…” Sad. “I need a bit of...” Nothing on TV. “Be as well turn on…” Hungover. Sleepy. Angry. Or simply just wanting some background noise. Everyone has one.

For me, it’s undoubtedly Del Boy & Rodney cutting about in Only Fools and Horses. I’ve seen every episode, god knows how many times and after all the years that it’s been around, there’s little about it that I don’t enjoy! It’s an absolute classic. Of course, it’s been on while I’ve been writing this.

But I’m not writing about their antics. The opening quote & the show itself, as you probably guessed by know, merely serve as a relevant, and hopefully amusing arm to my chat on anxiety.

In this een, I’m giving high fives to the impact that consistency and familiarity has had on improving my mental health. And not just during lockdown.

Previously, whenever I heard or read about people’s stories, where their anxiety or depression was so bad, that having a shower, taking the bin out or going to the shops was something that they should celebrate as a massive step forward, I never really understood how that could be impactful. Because I hadn’t struggled, or in my case accepted that I was struggling, I didn’t see the importance of such small, menial tasks. I felt that in order to improve you had to do things of ‘real’ significance.

But I’m here today, telling abdy, that doing these ‘menial’ tasks, can be very significant. And in this blog, I want to take stock of how important they have been for me. Giving them the kudos, they most definitely deserve.

Before I go on though, I’d like to stress to myself, that through my anxiety, I’ve in no way seriously suffered. I never got to a point where I couldn’t get out of bed. There’s folk out there that are finding it very hard & we need to really look out for them. But I’m looking at these things from my aspect and how they’ve improved me, every day and I hope that anyone close to feeling like this can find & appreciate their own familiarities.

Some of my key strengths have always been being organised, prepping in advance, and sticking to a plan. I’d say I’m pretty consistent and folk know what I am all about. In doing the things I do, its almost second nature to me, but I am only noticing & appreciating these ‘menial’ things & the real impact now. And by writing this, I’m taking a leap of faith that I will continue to do them & make them work for me.

He who dares, wins and all that…

So, what are the fundamental things, the must do’s for Mark that have a huge impact on my day? What things bring me a sense of stability, completion, and success? What gives me the belief, that despite any anxieties that I might experience during the day, or despite it being a day where fuck all went well, that by doing these, I A) realise it’s not been a complete write off, and, B) look at what I have to look forward to the next day?

I’ve got a core set of basics that I build into my routine. I’ll run through them and give some context as to why they help.

For me, it’s all about starting the day as early as realistically possible. That doesn’t always mean getting up at the crack of dawn to go for a 10 mile run, but just getting up early and starting the day. That could mean coming downstairs, normally with Roxie and simply watching TV. I’m prone to coming down and watching a TV Series that I know Shereen wouldn’t be interested in, so I’ve got time to watch it on my own.

Now, now you mucky buggers, nothing like that. Normally something football, historical or wee documentary. She’s nae interested in “ah that shite” (in her best Garthdee accent), so it’s a cracking opportunity to just focus, no distractions. Or I’ll just stick on Only Fools for some familiarity.

But, aye, getting up early (I mean a lie in doesn’t hurt every once in a while), is something that I love doing. I’m not going to wax lyrical about why getting up early is good for you, but for me, if I don’t do it, it has an effect on my day. I can be agitated, frustrated and less assertive. When I do, I’ve got a good base to start from and my mind is in a focused state.

I’ve got a wee quote for ya – ‘Lose an hour in the morning, and you will spend all day looking for it’. One I’d heard a while ago but has always stuck with me.

Small caveat here. For someone that hasn’t been working since March, getting up early has been massive for me.

Tying in with getting up early, I must get the living room/kitchen tidied up in the morning. I mean it’s nae exactly like something from ‘How clean is your house’ but just getting dishes away, floor swept, surfaces wiped, things put in their rightful place… aiding my OCD. Knowing living area is tidy, makes me feel like I can move on with the day – like my mind is tidy. That sounds naff, but fa cares. It does help me.

If you thought the first two were exciting, wait ‘til I tell you about my breakfast ritual.

I NEED a morning coffee. I fucking love coffee. So I do that. But then, for breakfast… I’ll open a sachet of Golden Syrup oats. Milk gets added, into the Microwave for two mins (Bowl always gets too hot and I burn my fing’rs takin it oot). Porridge is of course good for you, so knowing I’m having something good, makes me feel good. Plus, it’s the only way I’ll get my oats in the morning… 😉

But wait, there’s more. The taste of those oats isn’t enough. I’ll then add some breakfast biscuits to the mix. Normally one with chocolate involved. Break them into small pieces, throw them in, stir it all together…. Mental eh? Seriously though, its fine, its feels healthy and it sets me up for the day.

Next its back upstairs to make the bed and open the curtains. Simple but for me, very fucking effective. Getting the bed made, and I’m not talking about made in a way that a hotel maid makes a bed where it’s a fucking nightmare to untuck the sheets when you are lying in it, but just getting the duvet laid out flat. It gives me a sense of either ‘I’m not allowed back in there until the end of the day’ or ‘getting back in that bed, is a sign of me getting through the day successfully’. Same applies to the curtains – well blinds in our bedrooms case.

It may sound silly but I just find it works for me. I’ve got my Grunny Chrissie to thank for this ritual. We weren’t allowed to leave the bedroom for breakfast fan we used to bide at hers when we were kids.

I said this before, but a massive saviour during lockdown was walking Roxie, religiously every morning. Headphones in, podcast on, making sure we get a change of scenery most days. Good for health of course but it’s been much bigger than that for me. When lockdown started, Roxie was around 7 months old, so I had a big responsibility to ensure her development continued. Improving her recall, being left off the lead and general obedience were the goals. By god did I lose my cool with her a lot. She’s a fucking menace at times, but seeing her progress, our relationship strengthen and get to that point where she’s undoubtedly my best pal, is down to sticking to that fundamental.

The opportunity to work on my mental health through listening to podcasts and working things out in my head, in the fresh air as you can imagine, has had a huge impact.

Pre Darcie, I was fitting in at least one established mental health exercise every morning. These varied from writing my worries down on paper (I call this Worry Time), meditation, mindfulness or stretching. I’m not going to labour over why these can impact your mental health but for me, when I was really finding it difficult, pushing myself to do these things, consistently, when it wasn’t comfortable for me, played a huge role on improving my state of mind.

Moving onto something I do professionally. Every Monday morning, I write a work diary/journal, where I reflect on how the previous 7 days were, what I achieved, did well & could have done differently/better. Only talking a few paragraphs here, I don’t have that mental focus on a Monday morning. Off the back of this, I set my focus for the week ahead – which includes things I need to achieve and wee quote to focus on. I review this every morning and I’m away.

I’ve been doing this for almost two years now & it’s been massive for me. I can’t stress that enough. It’s helped me move up a number of gears professionally. Both mentally & in practice. I’ve given myself much more credit than I used to. I’m still critical, but by writing it out, I’m more reasonable with my ‘not so good weeks’, which is something I never used to do.

Look, even in that last sentence I’ve said, ‘not so good’. If I were summarising this in my head and not on paper, I’d tell myself ‘it was a week I’d failed’. That doesn’t mean I’m being unrealistic, or naive – if I fucked up, I’d write about how I fucked up. But my biggest flaw has always been being too hard on myself. Reviewing and writing it down, makes it feel like it’s being written by an observer. That I’m the observer. Remember the gardening blog about standing out like an al many…?

Your probably thinking fucking hell – that’s a lot to do before you’ve had a shit, shower and shave. But these constants, especially through lockdown and my mental health challenges, have gained a higher status. I’m now thanking them, thanking myself for doing them and recognising how much importance they’ve had for me.

I’ve then got a couple of things I do before bed that set me up for the following day. I’m nae gan ti gibber on onymare but, I have a diary for everything I need to do the next day, a wee spot of Yoga and power through a few pages of a fitever book I’m reading. These things set me up for decent nights kip.

Of course, since Darcie arrived into the world, there’s no danger of me getting through all as I did before. But although that takes some getting used to, I’m actually finding greater satisfaction in the things I can still do regular and a couple of things I’ve added to help support my mental health. Having to accept not everything can be done is a good test.

But doing them when I can, making time to focus on myself & grab sometimes just a few minutes to gather my thoughts is huge.

One thing I’ve found that works now is taking time when getting ready. We’re all guilty, especially guys, when we are in a rush, jump in and out the shower, quick spray of deodorant and we’re away. But because I’ve had limited time to myself, I’ve found that spending time getting myself properly ready in the morning, doing my wee routine (I’ll spare you the details)... giving myself plenty of time, all helps getting my mind ready. I process shit, work through some thoughts, or just lose myself in some ridiculous argument in my own heed. I come downstairs, fresh, and ready.

Finally, to replace a chunk of the anxiety exercises I was doing, I’m now doing a daily journal – simple, personal, but highly effective.

I like writing, eh?

As I said before, I did most of these things before I needed to tend to my mental health. But it’s only recently that I’ve realised how important they have been in improving my mental health.

And at the risk of sounding like a plonker, I wanted to share them & remind me of how important they have been for my mental health.

It got me thinking too. Sometimes, the things we can do improve our mental health, can be small, free or inexpensive. They don’t have to take hours to do, they don’t always have to be challenging or hard work. You don’t have to sit down, legs crossed and meditate for 30 minutes, you can find that calm by doing day to day things. For me, sometimes just watching a repeat of the famous Jolly Boys Outing episode for the 500th time, is enough to bring me back.

These are by my law, the basics. My reasons to get up and going. For building momentum. They allow me to go out for a run, enjoy a meal with Shereen help people with their careers… they allow me to gain even more satisfaction. And as I said, if the bigger things don’t go my way, well, remembering my quote from blog 1 – the only bad days are the ones you take nothing from.

I love being consistent, having routine & being regimented. It provides me comfort and the things I do have been absolutely key for me improving my mental health. It’s vital that I do the fundamentals, things that bring me familiarity and because they are easy to do, it’s guaranteed wins. A fine wee boost for confidence.

They won’t completely detract away from any anxieties that I will continue to have, but they serve as a source of ‘ach, it’s nae been that bad’…

It may not happen by this time next year, but by continuing to do these constants in my life, I will get to a place where I feel like I am completely on top of my mental health. It’s unlikely that I’ll be a millionaire, but I won’t be mentally far off feeling like one.

Lovely jubbly!