“Don’t look for the light at the end of the tunnel. March up there and turn the fucker on yourself”

My blog on my Mental Health – from ‘Ach I’m fine’ to acceptance, prevention to possibilities.

Blog 9

You know my patter well enough by now. This wee gem of a quote serves as justification to why I've written this blog. I know you love it!

I’m continuing the start as you mean to go on theme of 2021 and looking at positive in my mental health. In this een, I’m going to be looking at the core principles of what makes me, me. What does Mark Dalgarno stand for? What defines me daily?

The notion for this een came through listening to a podcast (shocker eh?). It involved a football manager, who when interviewing for a post, had to present to his potential employers on what his personal brand was & what he stood for. And I was interviewing for roles through the latter part of 2020, it got me thinking... What is my personal brand?

I’m an affa loon for playing mysel doon. I know I’ve got plenty of principles & strengths, and when pushed for them, like in an interview scenario, I can recite them. But because of my aforementioned lack of inner confidence, while I'm reciting them, or after I’ve said them, I doubt them. I’ll say to myself, "Are they really...?"

I know my lack of confidence, my lack of complete belief in my principles, has held me back. I think I don’t do as well in situations because I don’t fully appreciate who I really am, what I bring to the table, or what people should expect from me.

But the main issue is that I dinna ken fit to expect fae mysel!

But nae mare. Nae mare I tell yi!

From this point, I solemnly swear to take a wholehearted approach to reviewing, reciting, and utilising my principles. Daily. To benefit me personally & professionally. Applying them to greater affect than done in the past.

So, let’s nail down what I stand for. My principles are always a work in progress. I can get better at them. Or I can develop more.

For starters though, I’m gonna focus on my top 5.

The first een is Resilience. A characteristic that for a long time, I never fully realised I was good at. I used to go about life not noticing or accepting that, when things were tough, I did ‘bounce back’.

I’ve not had many major life setbacks & I experience the day to day challenges, stumbling blocks and rough patches that we all do. Despite moments being shite, stresses getting on top, or not achieving what I wanted, I’ve always been affa good at picking myself back up and getting back on with things. Normally with the same, or even better level of enthusiasm & gusto than I did before.

I oddly really enjoy ‘bad’ or ‘tough’ experiences. Sadistically, on some level, I crave them. Nae ah the time of course, but I know that I work better in times of 'adversity' (loosely used for reference). I react well, think clearly and get a sense of purpose, especially if that involves helping others through it. I like the life experience it brings, because I know I’ll be better for it.

It’s a trait I’ve noticed more and more in the last few years. Possibly because as you get older, you face more and more day to day challenges. Or more things tend to piss me off. Probs the latter.

And 2020, like it did for a lot of folk, has absolutely solidified my belief that I am indeed 100% resilient.

My mental health, or more particularly, the health anxiety I’ve struggled with is the most prevalent indication of resilience. The fact that I am waking up every morning with the willingness to hae a belter, to try new or practice methods to calm anxieties down, stay consistent with things that work for me AND by the fact that I’ve improved my mental health a shit tonne AND because I’ve actually enjoyed all of this... aye, resilient.

With some incredible support from Shereen and those around me, I've got myself to a place where I’m happy with myself & in the right head space.

Winston Churchill, a loon of many quotes said “Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm”.

Next up. A desire to help others.

I like being there for other folk. I like helping. Delivering a service. Going out of my way. Getting a smile. Seeing them progress, develop and grow…

I looked at the area of my anxiety where I need to please everyone. Fair enough, it can cause issues. But it’s also a benefit. Because helping others, be it personally or professionally, boosts my confidence, feel of value and have purpose.

It took a stint working at B&Q back in 2009 to make me realise how much better I was at working with customers. And it’s because of that role that I’ve done some form of it ever since. Seeing folk leave with what they wanted, or at least nae raging, gives me satisfaction. I can’t describe it any better than that.

There’s plenty of ways of helping folk. Some people’s lives depend on it. But the best way I do it is through helping them find a job or improve their career. Applications, getting that job and developing your career can be a very pressurised and uncertain time for folk. And because we, as humans, spend so long working and naturally want to achieve, when you do get that job offer, promotion or whatever you decide, it’s a fucking ace feeling.

So for me, to play a part in that, make that job offer, provide advice or give some training is huge for me. Helping someone get to where they want to be, is hugely rewarding. That, and you can build superb relationships through it. Something I’m affa proud of.

Third on the personal brand list. Stubbornness. Bide with me here. It’s a positive.

And it’s kind of on the contrary to my last point of helping others. Because, I’m a bugger for not asking for help myself and trying to do everything on my own

Happy to say that it’s a trait I’ve got better at recently. But I constantly need to be able to say that I did it my way…

Be prepared, Frank Sinatra analogy coming up.

Whenever I used to come to the end of a long training run, I used to try and skip my iPod shuffle to get his famous song on as I entered the home straight.

To give me motivation for each run, I'd exaggerate in my heed, allowing my subconscious to say, that I wouldn't be able to put the first foot on the pavement. That I will fail, I'll run oot o' puff or my time will be pish. Tell myself that I didn't have the willpower to take on such a long run on my own...

There’s a part in the song that goes - Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew, When I bit off more than I could chew, But through it all, when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out, I faced it all and I stood tall, And did it my way...

As that verse rang in my ears & I neared the finish, I'd get worked up, emotional & felt like I was sticking two fingers up to my subconscious. It meant that much to me. That, despite my self-doubt and reservations, despite my fears that I wouldn’t do it, with my own planning, effort and determination, I could do it.

That sense of achievement, when I, only I, do something completely on my own, when I have to fight off so much inner resistance and back chat, is what motivates me.

In running, in work, at home, there's always people willing to offer help & support. But sometimes, I'm one for politely ignoring that offer, and stubbornly, doing it all on my own. Which has gotten me in trouble, but it’s also brought a lot of success.

Which brings us back to switching on the light at the end of the tunnel myself…

My want to do things on my own, doesn’t start and end with running, but I hope you get my point. I like having personal goals because it helps fend off those internal doubts. It helps me get better results & get a sense of purpose. The pressure is on and, albeit this is exaggerated, but it’s do or die…

Dinna get me wrong, I’m a team player, but I just like being up against it, on my own. Taking responsibility, ownership and learning.

4th is There’s always room for improvement. For me, and I can be quite bad for this, I’m never completely satisfied.

I’ll stay away from saying ‘nothing is ever good enough’. It’s not quite that extreme. But no matter what I am doing, I always feel it could be better next time.

Aye, aye... there’s drawbacks to that. But let’s look at the positives of this.

Not being satisfied, be it from a presentation I did at work, to a run, to training Roxie… literally anything, I’ll analyse every part of it.

My ability to look for areas to improve or say that fit I did was shite, is a benefit to me. I’m proud to say that I push myself, try to put myself out of my comfort zone and try to take it up a level.

And it works for me. Looking back at my career, with Shereen, running, to now being a Dad, I’m happy to say that striving for better has helped me.

The trick is managing my expectations better, not shooting blindly or too high and praising myself more when I have got to a level. But I ken that…

Finally, the last part of my personal brand is my Commitment & Dedication. If I’m in it – I’m in it till the end.

One that I’ve never had any doubts over.

Hopefully my commitment and dedication has shown through on these blogs. I certainly know that when I have that elusive bit between my teeth, I give it my all. If there are obstacles, I show my resilience. If I can help someone, I’ll do it until they no longer need it. If I’m doing something on my own, by god my stubbornness will see me through. I don’t stop until it’s done – which is ironic because I’m always looking for improvement.

See that cheeky wee link of bringing these all together?

This blog serves firstly as a kick in the goolies to remind me that this is me. Secondly, they are the principles that I must remind myself continually and get them working for me even more.

It’s always a nice feeling when I’ve finished writing a blog. Not because I’ve finished as such, but because I’ve got to a point where I’ve processed feelings and worked out any actions. The great thing about writing these is that, while I have the topics and how I might break them down planned in advance, the actual content, the home truths & any conclusions come as I write.

When I stop to think about what I am writing in the next line, it’s also me working it out in my head. It’s me looking back into past events, how certain aspects in my life have brought me to that sentence. Looking at the good and the bad. It's a process. And there’s constant moments of me going ‘ah….. that makes a lot of sense now’. And, very little of what I am writing is painful, which is nae bad. Bodes well for what I am trying to achieve here. If you’ve never tried writing down thoughts and feelings, in any format, I’d wholeheartedly recommend it. And if anyone is unsure of what defines them or what their principles are but can't answer themselves, ask someone you trust.

Love this quote to finish. If you’re not branding yourself, you can be sure others do it for you.