‘The only bad days are the ones that you take nothing from’

My blog on my Mental Health – from ‘ach I’m fine’ to acceptance, prevention to possibilities

Blog 1.

Typical Mark!

A common term you’ll hear in this blog is ‘Overthinking’. Even in planning for the first... where to start, what to write about… I’m overthinking. Hello Anxiety.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m raring to go & feel purposeful about doing it. More than I have for a lot lately. On its own, doing this blog is a huge positive but added to everything else that I am prone to worry and overthink about, I don’t make it easy for myself.

Stereotypically, Mark Dalgarno worries. He overthinks. Fears the worst. Waits for bad feedback. Broods. Over analyses. Think of any similar words here. It’s me.

A million thoughts race through my head and I tend to think too far in advance. Good and bad outcomes. For this blog alone, I’ve thought about countless different ‘topics’... which is great, but I’m already fretting about:

‘Will this sound shit?’

‘Will I have time to do it & get everything I want to say across’?

‘What happens if I share this publicly? What will people say? Will they read it?’

Bloody calm doon min!!

I’m a determined wee soul. Always wanting to do better. One that thrives off high energy. My awareness is good. I care about how others feel. All great characteristics when it matters, but for a personal blog that I’ve never done before, might never share & even continue, why am I getting pent up from the get-go. I love having enthusiasm but over time my exuberance & determination to do as much as possible, as quickly as possible, has had detrimental effects on my mental health.

From blog writing, to running, to building furniture, tending to the garden (this has become a new hobby during lockdown – a topic for another blog)… actions that are small in the scale of things, but actions that I get too worked up and overthink about. These have accumulated to cause what I can only describe what was a welcomed mini panic attack and a LOT of soul searching over the past few months. More on that later.

The long point being (and I do like to sell a point unfortunately, you’ll experience), that even for writing something as insignificant as this blog, I overthink. There’s a lot of good in my thinking, but combined with my fears, it becomes too much. And this is recurring. I get anxious. Anxious about doing well. Anxious about making mistakes. About how I come across & how I feel about myself.

If someone else feeling the same asked for my advice, I’d tell them 'Dinna fash yersel' That they were worried about nothing and fill them with confidence.

I’ve been able to manage it unknowingly in the past, I think. But now, for a variety of reasons, it’s time to do something about it.

I need to start listening to my own advice. I am determined to take the good in me to the surface more, by approaching things with calm. Make a quick plan. Move the fuck on. Don’t try to do it all at once. Not mull over it once it’s done. Don’t brood about what I said or should have said. Not worry about what others think and approach as many situations as possible with an underlying confidence. Be the person that I want to have in my life.

So, I should clarify two things that you will see in this blog continuously. 1) You’ll see terms and words in Doric. For anyone reading from outside Aberdeenshire, this is the local dialect and commonly used by us loons & quines fae Aiburdeen. 2) I love motivational quotes. You’ll see a lot of them. Sorry.

Why start writing this blog then?

Well, it’s simple. I wanted to give it a try.

Over the past year I’ve grown to like writing and getting my thoughts down on paper. I keep a diary every week for what I’m doing professionally – setting focus’ for each week, honestly reviewing how the week went, what I achieved, what I could have done better and how I can improve.

Lockdown has given us all more time to think and for me, I’ve decided that to express myself more to ease the burden of my mental health. Talking about it vocally isn’t comfortable for me, so I’ve been writing it down. I like doing it. It seems to work for me. Scribbles. Notes. Unfiltered thoughts.

But this, this blog is intended to be more articulate. Something that I imagine being shared in a museum long and widely sought after long after I am gone, based on the life altering good I brought to the world along with my award winning publications… maybe not but a blog readable and hopefully relatable for others.

I’m doing this because I want to start digging a little deeper. Become happier with myself.

My anxiety hasn’t just sprung out or been caused by lockdown, but it’s showcased itself & made itself known. And I’m bloody delighted that it has. I want to look at, in a light-hearted, yet honest manner at the aspects that make me, me. I’m not intending to right all about bad stuff or where anxiety has caused negative results, but I want to look at how the way I am has made me the decent bloke that I know has done very well and has got it good in his life.

If I share this blog publicly, I hope it can help others.

I’ll try to provide advice if I can. Give my take on things and if that resonates with the reader in even the smallest form, I’ll be chuffed as bits. Being more aware of your mental health is a topic that I’ve become increasingly passionate about lately and I believe we should have each others back more and not be fearful of sharing how we feel.

You may think what I write about is shite. If you do, that’s good. Because you thinking its shite is a sign that you have awareness of what works for you and how you look after your mental health. Or you might find little bits of what I say to be relatable or something you didn’t think of before. It all helps.

But mainly this is for me.

My initial goal is to write something once a week. Find a topic and stick with it. There’s no intended format for this. No order. It’s meant to be how I feel and what I want to get across.

I’ve timed this start well though. As of today, Wednesday 22nd July, my wonderful better half Shereen, is 6 days away from her due date for our first baby. So, not like anything will get in the way of me doing this, huh?

On that, a bit more about me/us. Shereen & I have been together for 7 years, live in Foveran, just south of Ellon for those that dinna ken, and have our almost 1-year old puppy/dog, Roxie. She’s a Springador (Springer Spaniel/Lab cross). Absolutely gorgeous, but mental. Fucking mental.

Me. In this blog you’ll see references to Aberdeen Football Club, running, hill walking. Maybe some local Aberdeen history thrown in. Did I mention I like quotes? Oh, and an occasional amazingly witty pun (others may swap amazingly for rubbish, but I’ll do it anyway). Work wise, my career has been in Careers & Employability and while I’m not working right now, I plan to have my professional side involved in a a decent chunk too.

So, that’s blog number 1. An introduction, that I hope gives you a little idea of who I am & why I have started this.

I’ll end by saying that what I’ve experienced in the past few months, has been massively positive for me and draw reference to the title of this blog. Oddly, this was a quote that I came up with and for me, it’s about drawing the positives from every day. Even if it’s been a shocker of a day, everything has gone wrong and you aren’t happy with yourself, you can always in every scenario find a positive. Be it something to improve on or something you get another chance to do. The point being, it’s only a bad day if you decide it is!

Thanks for reading!